Self-Acceptance is unconditional love. When we are vibrating at the frequency of unconditional love, we own all aspects of our being and the external world no longer has any influence on the experience of life in how we think, act or feel. We can consciously choose how we feel and interact with the world from a place of empowerment.
Overview of the Lesson:
The purpose of this lesson is to explore the polarity of self-acceptance, which means we will be exploring what self-doubt is and how we can move into a vibration of unconditional love and self-acceptance. To experience self-acceptance we must first experience what judgment and self-doubt feels like. In this dualistic reality we can only experience one version of reality when we have a marker to compare it to. An example of this is when someone welcomes us into his or her home with open arms. In this scenario, we feel completely accepted. Now compare this experience with a different scenario where we have been bullied or perhaps openly criticized.
Self-doubt exists when we do not know who we truly are. Self-doubt is like a person trying to walk forward in their life with a blindfold over their eyes. It exists when we feel a disconnection to life and our infinite higher self. The disconnection is reflected primarily through living our life through the mind only.
Self-acceptance is achieved when we are able to experience life through the heart space, which is our portal to our infinite self. The analogy I like to share is this:
Imagine your heart is the captain of your ship and has its own in-built GPS system. Your mind is the engine that propels your ship forward and your body is the physical vessel. Your heart has access to information that goes beyond what your five human senses can perceive and, if you can trust your intuition, life is fun, effortless and becomes an adventure. If you have shut down your GPS satellite for guidance and rely only on the mind, which is your engine, you will find that life will become one big trial and error game. Since most people experience vast amounts of fear, they shut themselves down to new possibilities because they fear uncertainty and the unknown. When we can live in the moment and enjoy the mystery that life offers us we are coming from a place of self-acceptance and allowing.
The symptoms of Self Doubt:
Let us now explore some of the symptoms that exist within self-doubt. The first step in opening up to the possibility of any healing is awareness. It’s critical that we are completely honest with ourselves in the behaviors we engage with if we truly want to master self-acceptance.
I will use myself as an example to describe the following symptoms that I experienced during the first 23 years of my life. Here is what I experienced when I was living life through the lens of self-doubt:
- A follower rather than a leader or decision-maker
- Didn’t speak up and share insights despite an intuitive gut feeling that my values and truth were being violated. For example: consenting with a group action even if it didn’t feel right.
- Tended to hold back in life
- Always sought permission from others
- Wanted to be validated by others in what I thought, said or did
- Avoided new experiences
- Questioned the actions or decisions I made
- Avoided scenarios where I would be receiving excessive attention
- Felt inadequate
- Believed the advice of others over my own internal wisdom
- Tended to isolate to feel safe
- Poor boundaries with others
- Tended to go with what others wanted over my personal preferences or desires
- Experienced feelings of emptiness, disapproval and unhappiness within.
Go through the above list and see how many of these symptoms apply to your life. You may observe and become aware of other symptoms of self-doubt that are not listed above. Write these down and acknowledge them as well. The purpose of this exercise is to bring full awareness to all the feelings and behaviors that have been created from self-doubt.
As you can see, a life being experienced with the above characteristics is highly restricted because of the underlying fear of not being safe. We get bogged down doing what we have always done because we can predict the outcome. This way of viewing the world breeds discontentment and a lack of worthiness.
I have discovered that Three Core Problems exist for people who experience life with some or all of the symptoms above:
These three problems often exist when we engage life through the lens of victimhood. We are either externalizing the blame onto other people or we are internalizing the blame within ourselves. By blaming the world outside of us we give our power away to others and thus don’t have to take responsibility for our own life. We are able to justify through the mind why our lives are taking a particular shape.
Confusion exists when we have forgotten how to tap into our heart’s intuitive GPS to receive guidance on the most supportive, fun, enjoyable and exhilarating steps to take in life. Our infinite self already knows the answer, and our intuition will provide the next step. The problem is that our mind is greedy and wants to see all 20 steps ahead. Until we learn to trust our inner guidance and let go of having to control, we will always be ruled and governed by a fear-based reality, which is smothered by confusion.
When I was living in a space of self-doubt I felt confused. I was always trying to decipher what was the “right” choice versus the “wrong” choice and was fearful of being punished. I was worried of what others would think and this belief system significantly restricted by ability to explore and try new things.
Lack of Courage
The next problem is lack of courage. Most people only do the things that they know. They rarely explore new possibilities, new opportunities or new ways of being. As Albert Einstein said, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result. Many people who complain about their life and feel a vast amount of self-doubt or dissatisfaction, are still not prepared to do something different; to invest some of their energy into courage and take a step outside of their comfort zone.
The picture above demonstrates that the synchronicities and the flow of life often exist outside of our comfort zone. By connecting to courage and taking the first step we enter the zone where all possibilities exist.
Courage is an energetic vibration that is accessed from the heart space and cannot be experienced through the mind. In my experience, living from my mind only meant that I was crippled with fear and any step outside of my comfort zone felt like I was trying to climb Mount Everest. The fear of the unknown was significantly stronger than my willingness to take a step of courage or take a risk.
Lack of Commitment:
Lastly, the third problem created from self-doubt is a lack of commitment. People who do have clarity in their life and are able to follow their intuition have taken the first step. They have exhibited courage but often fall down by not persisting and going all the way. Being able to persist through all of life’s challenges is the trademark of any true master. When we are following our deepest heart’s truth, all obstacles that come our way are merely opportunities for expansion. Instead of seeing life as one continuous problem, it becomes a series of opportunities that support us to experience our infinite nature in this world of duality.
It has been said that the last 2% of the steps of any project is what makes it successful. This 2% relies on your persistence and a will to continue. In my own personal experience I realized that failure never exists and only occurs when I have given up on my hopes or dreams. Making a mistake is not a failure. A mistake means that an attempt was made, a lesson was received and the desired outcome did not eventuate. The deeper truth of a mistake is that the experience itself is what strengthens and prepares us to “be” the person we choose to become.
Here is an example of what I mean:
When I was 12 years old, I competed in the final of my school’s fencing championships. I was winning 4-0 against a good friend and I only needed 1 more point to secure the title and trophy. Fear of loosing crept into my body and I tried to defend the lead and hoped that my opponent would make a mistake so that I would win. I remember feeling devastated as I lost the game 4-5. The lesson I learnt in that experience is that by holding back and coming from fear would only create a fear-based outcome. From that day forward in fencing I exhibited more courage in going for what I desired. The “loss” actually made me a better competitor because I was attentive to the lesson I was receiving.
Finally I would like to share with you a story about dragonflies, as this demonstrates a powerful process of how transformation takes place in the world:
Dragonflies lay their eggs in water and when the eggs hatch, immature dragonflies, called nymphs, emerge. A nymph can live for up to four years in water before choosing to transform into a dragonfly. In order for the transformation to take place it must leave the water and jump onto a leaf and create a cocoon. The nymph will then remain in a dormant state while the transformation takes place before bursting out by pushing with its wings to be released. The resistance of the cocoon against the wings is what gives the wings it’s strength to fly. In many ways each and every human being is like a nymph and for us to live in our full human potential which means living in full self-acceptance, we must take the leap of faith out of what we have always known into a new environment and trust the process of life and the greater intelligence that governs all things in the universe.
Answer the 5 questions below to gauge how much clarity you experience in your life.
1. Are you crystal clear on what you want in your life?
This includes knowing what your vision is, or who would you love to be if all your talents, gifts and inspirations were flourishing?
2. Have you refined what you want to its essential essence?
Here “essential essence” refers to the feeling you experience from the things you want in your life.
I want to experience adventure, fulfillment, unconditional love and peace and so have chosen to be an intuitive coach and healer
3. How regularly do you educate or invest in yourself to be in alignment with your heart’s desires and inspiration?
Look at how many resources you allocate to this, both in time and money.
4. How aligned are you from an energetic perspective?
For example: a nutritionist who consumes healthy foods and takes care of their body would be in alignment, but a healer who drinks excessive amounts of alcohol is not. Are you reflecting a life in alignment to your highest purpose?
5. Have you created some inspired actions to what you truly desire into your life?
These will open the door to new possibilities.
Answer the 2 questions below:
- Do you take the courageous option when the outcome is unknown or where uncertainty exists?
- Do you persist through the good and challenging times or do you have a habit of giving up?
The exercises above will give you an indication on where you stand in the present moment. Now that we’ve explored self-doubt and the three core problems that are created from self-doubt let us now explore self-acceptance.
The essential Essence of Self Acceptance
Self-Acceptance exists when we are able and willing to own all parts of who we are. To do this we must firstly know who we are. As the famous Greek philosopher Socrates stated, “Know thyself”. The full relevance of Lesson 1 may start to become more apparent now, as the foundations of our reality are crucial if we are to know ourselves. To know thyself is like playing a game with complete knowledge of all the rules and tricks of the game.
Symptoms of experiencing full self-acceptance:
- Living in the present moment
- Becoming an observer of reality
- No longer creating judgments from the external world in reference to yourself. This may take the form of another person looking at you in a strange way and you jump to the conclusion that they think you are unattractive or that there is something wrong with you.
- Loving all aspects of yourself, guilt and shame free
- Seeing the perfection in every moment
- Consciously connecting to your intuition and taking action on guidance received
- Making decisions and taking action from a place of love and expansion rather than fear or limitation
- Feeling oneness with all that exists, rather than separation
- Mastering the art of sharing, where you can receive and give effortlessly
- Collaborating with others, rather than competing from the mindset of limitation and lack.
Briefly go through the above list and see how many of these reflections apply to your life. You may observe and become aware of other items not on the list above. Write these down and acknowledge them as well.
Some of these questions may be challenging. It is only when we are completely honest with ourselves that we can step forward. Remember that we are only dishonest with ourselves if we are suppressing shame or guilt and judging ourselves for not being a certain way.
How can we move from a state of self-doubt to self-acceptance?
The process of transformation is a journey and will be unique to each and every individual. I will be sharing with you gems of wisdom that you can incorporate into your life on a daily basis to support this transformation.
In a nutshell, the process of transformation looks something like this:
Clearing out our emotional, mental and energetic bodies of all limiting beliefs, emotional traumas, fear based emotions and thoughts so that these energetic bodies begin vibrating in an alignment to unconditional love. When we are holding onto any fear-based creation, whether it is conscious or unconscious, we are in resistance to our truth and light.
To be able to do this we must learn how to access our heart space, which is the portal to our higher, infinite self and all that exists in the universe including the infinite field of possibilities. We then learn to receive guidance from our intuition, take any necessary action and let go of the controlling egoistic mind patterns, which are interested in self-preservation and instant gratification. We empty our mind of limiting beliefs, so that we can use it as a creative tool that takes direction from our heart.
I will be leaving you with some exercises that will allow you to bring some tranquility and peace into your life. Throughout the course you will learn a variety of tools to support your transformation into self-acceptance. The key is persistence and to trust the process.
Home Play 1:
Last week I showed you a way to “drop into the gap” as a meditation technique. We will now build on this experience.
After you have dropped into the gap (refer to last week’s directions), place your awareness into your body and observe your breathing. You will notice that as you breath in, at the top of the inhale there will be a space of complete stillness. Place your awareness into this gap for a moment. Then observe how the breath is released and at the bottom of the outbreath, just before inhaling, you will become aware of the second space where complete stillness exists.
Continue to observe your breath and go into these two still points. This is an ancient meditation technique used for thousands of years in India and has been said to be the doorway to stillness and peacefulness. Notice what you observe when you do this.
Practice this breathing meditation twice a day for 5 minutes each session.
Home Play 2:
For this exercise, the aim is to look for patterns in your life and simply observe them. It’s important to be doing these exercises and have no judgment on what you discover, it’s an observation in what you are experiencing in the moment. Honesty is the key to stepping forward with grace and ease.
Write a list of 20 thoughts, beliefs or behaviors where you experience self-doubt in your life.
Write a list of 20 thoughts, beliefs or behaviors where you engage with self-acceptance in your life.
If you require support in integrating this information. If you are finding resistance in doing the exercises or require a helping hand then check out my coaching packages at: https://lionheartcoaching.com.au/coaching/
Remember that unless you actually take the steps to implement this information into who you are then your life won’t change. It takes more than just knowing information. It requires implementing and being the changes you say you wish to experience in the world.
For additional support contact me at: https://lionheartcoaching.com.au/coaching/