Lesson 3 – The Glue that Keeps Us Stuck in our Self-Created Prison!

What would be the glue that keeps us stuck in our self-created prison?  What mechanism would be required to keep individuals stuck in a fear-based paradigm of reality?  Ladies and gentlemen this mechanism is called “Judgement”.


Overview of the Lesson:













The purpose of this lesson is to explore all aspects of judgement; how it affects our lives, how we can transcend it, and how to rise above and beyond it.  When we bring full awareness to the choices we make moment to moment, we can start to reclaim our power from the automatic decisions that occur in our subconscious mind and consciously choose the experience we would love in our life.  To do this, all we need to do is be aware of the signposts that show us we are exercising judgement.


What is judgement?


Imagine that your reality was confined to the dark, cold walls of a prison complex.  You are governed by the same routine day in and day out. The prison warden tells you when to wake up, when to eat and what you can and can’t do.  Experiencing life in a restricted environment like a prison takes away your freedom to choose the life you love.


Judgement is created by labeling an observation in a positive or negative way. Imagine observing someone walking down a busy city street.  In a moment of observation, you may notice their clothes and form a judgement about it. This judgement may sound like “that person is wearing a really funky outfit.  I like how they feel free to wear whatever they choose” or, alternatively, it may sound like “I can’t stand people who wear funky outfits and need to stand out from everybody else”. Both the positive and negative labels are judgements and will prevent you from having a full experience of that person.  The more energy you subconsciously feed to your judgements; the more power and control it has over your life.









Let us consider an example:

If you have a very strong preference to coffee flavoured ice cream and always choose the same flavor every time you buy it, you will be limiting yourself from the infinite possibilities that exist.  You may actually love pistachio far beyond coffee, but you will never experience the magic of this flavor because of the limited perception and belief created from a past experience.  The limiting belief of “coffee flavoured ice cream is the best” cuts out other possibilities flowing into your human experience of life.  Positive judgements like the one above are called “attachments”.


When we have an aversion, which is a judgement that we perceive to be negative, we avoid any scenario that may open us up to the possibility of the experience.  So, if for example, we have a negative judgement about our body and worry what others think, we may avoid going to places where we feel exposed, like the beach.  By avoiding going to the beach we miss out on the fun, joy and adventure that we could experience by being with friends and swimming in the water.  The mind decides the outcome prior to the experience when we follow negative judgements or aversions.


It is clear that judgements significantly restrict the human experience and create a very limited reality.  We may think we are interpreting the world around us, but in fact we are actually giving voice to judgements that we believe to be true about ourselves. It would be like attempting to jump across a gorge and instead of landing safely on the other side, we fall into a dark crevice in the ground.


The truth of the matter is that people who criticize others do not have high self-esteem or sense of self worth.  The judgement that is being projected is felt within themselves.  This behavior is conducted to keep them safe by placing attention on an external target and hide the disconnection that is felt within.  Perhaps the most obvious example of this is someone who is insecure in how they feel about themselves and diverts attention by criticizing how other people look.


Judgements stem from the beliefs we have formed from experiences within our life, or that we have accepted as true from others. If you’ve never travelled before and someone tells you about the dangers of travelling, you could create a belief that ‘travelling is unsafe’ despite never embarking on an adventure.


Once we create beliefs or inherit beliefs from others, our mind will find and focus on these beliefs to prove us right.  We live in a belief-based universe, which means, “Whatever you believe to be true is true”.  It is possible to find a million and one reasons why something is wonderful and a million and one reasons why it is not. Our mind is designed to always prove you right through justification.  The question to ask ourselves is: “Is this belief empowering or disempowering in my life?” Any belief that comes from limitation, separation or isolation is coming from fear whereas any belief that empowers, unifies and connects is coming from unconditional love.


Each individual has been gifted with free will and it is our choice to decide how we would like to engage and focus our energy into life.


How are Judgements created?


Now that we have looked in detail at judgement; how it affects our lives and how we can transcend it, let’s go deeper into the creation of judgement.


As mentioned above, judgements exist from the beliefs we hold to be true within our reality.  Specifically speaking judgements exist only with negative or limited beliefs.  Let us now explore the creation of negative beliefs and thus why judgement is a mechanism to keep the belief intact.


Firstly notice how the belief is structured.  Each component of a negative belief exists in a separate hexagon and is isolated from the remaining aspects.  The diagram shows that fear-based creations are separate, isolated and discordant in appearance.


All beliefs by their very definition are self-reinforcing. In the centre of the creation is the actual negative belief. A whole bag of tricks are needed if we are going to actually listen to that belief and remain attached to it.


Its first trick is “survival” which means if we let go of the belief, our very existence is under threat.  Consider the following statement:  “If I let this belief go, I will be annihilated.”  When we observe this with an open mind it quickly becomes absurd. However, we may hold a belief that it is unsafe to meet strangers. At the subconscious level, this belief might reinforce its existence by convincing us that if we meet new people we are in danger and our very existence is under threat.


The second trick is “no choice.”  When a negative belief is triggered we will feel that no other choices are possible. Our perception will be affected and we will only see potentially negative outcomes; our ability to see possibility and potential solutions quickly recedes. The self-reinforcing mechanism of such negative beliefs is the feeling that there are no other choices available to us, and the vicious cycle of this belief continues.


The third trick is “reward”.  This protection mechanism convinces us that if we keep buying into the belief, we will be rewarded.  To use the example above, someone who holds a belief that it is unsafe to meet strangers may choose not to go to a party and meet new people. This person may be put at ease in making this decision because they experience the reward of feeling safe.


The remaining 4 tricks are “rationalize”, “justify”, “reject” and “paranoia”. These are all related to judgement and work to protect the existence of the negative belief.  When we rationalize and justify, we are reinforcing the existence of the belief by proving to ourselves why we are “right”.  New information that might modify our belief is kept out because we reject and become paranoid of it.  By projecting a negative belief externally onto others, we keep it alive and plant a seed that allows it to grow stronger. We remain ignorant of our subconscious motivation to divert attention away from our pain in order to feel safe. The real trick is to keep in mind that whenever we project a negative belief, we also create further justification on why we are “right”.


As we begin to observe the structure of a belief, it becomes apparent that it is illogical and an illusion, a filter, or a template that overlays our true selves.


Judgement is the glue that keeps us stuck in a fear-based paradigm of reality.  Judgements abound in belief systems that are concerned with what is “right and wrong” whereas our true essence is concerned with “what is for the highest and best good” which has nothing to do with right or wrong.


Exercise 1:

Scan through all the main areas of your life: career, money, relationships (with yourself, intimate partner, family, friends and greater society), spiritual expansion, health, the physical world (including possessions), and doing what you love. See if you have a tendency to:

  • Project your beliefs onto others
  • Reject change
  • Justify your thoughts, words and actions
  • Feel paranoid about what others think
  • Rationalise the decisions you make
  • Feel that the choices you make are “the only choice” and that change is impossible
  • Feel fear when you step outside of your comfort zone

 If you answered yes to one or more of these then you are buying into negative belief systems that are holding you back from your true potential. 


How judgements keep us separate from self-acceptance


Let us now place our awareness onto how judgement keeps us separate from self-acceptance, the fifth step in our lesson.


Throughout this course I have mentioned that we live in a belief-based universe, which means ‘what you believe to be true is true.’  When we buy into positive, expansive belief systems that are in alignment with our higher self and true essence, we experience joy, excitement, happiness, passion, inspiration and unconditional love.  These feelings are the guidance system that we can use to know whether we are on track or not.  When we are in an expansive state and choose our pure essence, we embody unconditional love and all the vibrational frequencies that are reflective of unconditional love.  Unconditional love is an inclusive energy that unites and brings together.  In our previous lesson we explored that unconditional love is self-acceptance.  When we love all aspects of our being and allow every aspect of ourselves to exist without judgement, we shine in each moment of our life.


When we are buying into negative belief systems, which are fear-based and thus separate, isolated and discordant in nature, life becomes compartmentalized.  Judgement is the glue that keeps these negative belief systems intact.  When we are judging ourselves or the external world we are labeling and limiting the experience we can receive.  Judgement separates people into groups and attempts to put people into boxes.  When we judge we compare, evaluate, give preference and significance to life.  Remember that life itself is meaningless… the meaning we give to it will determine the experience we receive.


To illustrate this point, consider the following:

If you have a belief “I am shy” and are invited to a party where you will be in contact with many new people.  The feeling that you may receive from this invitation is anxiety, fear, concern, resistance and withdrawal.  In truth the experience is an invitation to a party and nothing yet has actually unfolded.  The thoughts of “what it could be like” are what are creating the emotions and resistance in the body.  Possible judgements that would be keeping this belief intact could be “I won’t be accepted by these new people”, or “parties are overrated affairs where everyone is acting fake”. These two judgements will help keep the original belief intact because the experience of not meeting new people will reinforce the belief to be true.


In summary, the state of “being” and what we choose to believe determines our circumstances. Most people look at their circumstances and then decide how they will feel instead of choosing how they would like to feel and then allow circumstances to shift to reflect the way they are choosing to be.

Transcending judgement into self-acceptance


Our final aspect for this lesson is to share how we can transcend judgement into self-acceptance.


Here is a powerful five-step process to support you to move from judgement to self-acceptance.











The first step is awareness.  Be aware within yourself when you feel your mind starting to judge.  The only place you have your full power is in the present moment.  To get into the present moment place your awareness into your feet.  To do this close your eyes and imagine that your awareness & focus is in your feet.  Literally imagine yourself in your feet.


The second step is to take three deep breaths through the nose and out through the mouth.  This will interrupt any thought processes you were previously engaging with.


The third step is to continue to place your awareness in your body.  My suggestion is to place your awareness into your heart centre located around the sternum. There is a distinct shift in feeling when coming from the mind compared to the heart centre in the body. The energy of the mind is intense and erratic.  When you drop into the body you will feel calmer, with fewer chaotic thoughts, and in a place to respond rather than react.


The fourth step is to set a silent intention to yourself that you will now observe and enjoy life through your five human senses without placing labels on yourself or anything in the external world.


One way to do this is to observe everything around you without saying in your mind “that is a door, that is a cute cat, that is a weird person”. Engage with all of life without any internal commentary.  Life just “is” and everything is exactly how it should be in full creative perfection.


To set the intention, you can say the following while your awareness is in your body. “Infinite Intelligence it is commanded that thoughts are released and I engage the world from a place of self acceptance and openness.  Thank you for it is now done.”  It is important to witness and allow feelings, vibrations and images to flow into your awareness, your body and your imagination without judgement or resistance.










The fifth step is to consciously choose a feeling regardless of what is going on around you.  To activate a vibration you can use the following command: “Infinite intelligence it is commanded that I now experience the vibration of ‘joy’ through every cell of my being now.  Thank you for it is now done.”  While making this decision, keep your awareness in your body and witness whatever flows through.


By letting go of limiting beliefs and coming from an empowered space, you will be responding to life and choosing how you feel.  The external environment will no longer influence your human experience. Nothing outside of you will dictate your emotional state, since all emotions and feelings are experienced within you.  By focusing your energy on certain thoughts, you experience the associated emotions.


The emotions we feel are like a feedback system to support conscious awareness of our mind.  For example, a person who is constantly experiencing the emotion of “anger” would be engaging with thoughts that vibrate at the same frequency of anger. If you experience regular emotional patterns I suggest the following exercise:


Choose new experiences every day. You might go to a new cafe, try a new meal, walk down a different street, drive to work a different way, go to a different beach, or shop at different places.  By doing this, you will open yourself up to so many new possibilities and break judgement patterns and behaviours that may have become engrained from past decisions.

Home Play


Home Play 1:

Continue to practice the daily meditation of “dropping into the gap” twice a day for a minimum of five minutes each session.  If you can increase the time then allow for ten minutes for each session.


Home Play 2:

With your list of 20 thoughts, beliefs or behaviours about self-doubt and self-acceptance from last week’s home play, answer the following questions:


a) What would I have to believe to be true about myself and my relationship to <insert thought, belief or behaviour > in order to be experiencing the emotion of <name of emotion>.


b) Go through the list of 20 items and ask if the given situation or behavior allows you to act to your fullest ability on your highest excitement in every moment?

If you require support in integrating this information. If you are finding resistance in doing the exercises or require a helping hand then check out my coaching packages at: https://lionheartcoaching.com.au/coaching/

Remember that unless you actually take the steps to implement this information into who you are then your life won’t change.  It takes more than just knowing information. It requires implementing and being the changes you say you wish to experience in the world.

For additional support contact me at: https://lionheartcoaching.com.au/coaching/

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